If I had known
by amandadehlen
Summary: We all know that someday your family is going to die, but not this soon. (There were some problem with reading this story, but it's fixed now.)


Hi! I written this story a few weeks ago. English is my second language so if there any grammatic faults I apoligize for that.

The story is really short but I hope you like it anyway. It's inspired by a song. The lyrics is at bottom

_No one would have seen it coming. It came out of nowhere. Kira tries to warn the little figure running over the street, but it's too late. She can hear a crash and she sees the body almost gracefully fly through the air as time seems to have stopped. Then it all comes crashing down again. Like a gigantic earthquake it shakes everything out of its place. Petrified, she runs as fast as she can towards the place where the body has landed, but it isn´t fast enough. Once the body finally comes into sight, she can see that the little girl is still breathing but she is in a terrible state. There is blood everywhere and one of her legs is bent in a weird direction. Kira falls to her knees next the little girl and tries to keep her conscious. The little girl is losing more and more blood and time is running out. She notices that the girl is trying to say something, but she´s not strong enough. The girl starts coughing and blood starts running from her mouth. Kira holds the little girl close and tries to with all her strength hold the girl alive, but it´s too late. She can see the light leaving her eyes and the body slumps down. She lets out an aching scream that is so filled with pain and suffering that it hurts all the way into the soul of the people around them._

"She wakes up with a scream and sits up rapidly. Sweat is running down her face and her heart is beating in 100 miles an hour. She wipes away the sweat and lets her head fall. Tears are starts flowing down her face without warning and her hair is soaking wet. She remembers the dream, that wasn't really a dream. It had really happened. She remembers how her 7 years old little sister, April, had wanted to buy ice-cream from a shop nearby and her parents had wanted Kira to go with her. She had been really tired and hadn´t really wanted to take April with her, but her parents was implacable. Their parents were very firm about never letting April walk that way alone, because you had to walk right next to a street with a lot of traffic. Kira had at last complied. They had been walking hand in hand towards the shop, while April had been cheerfully babbling about everything and nothing with an extreme passion. As they were walking alongside the street, her sister had seen a little kitten in the middle of the street. April always wanted to help people and that´s probably why she did what she did next. She had let go of Kira's hand and started running towards the kitten with her arms reaching towards it. Kira had tried to stop her but it was no use. That was when the car had come. April had been totally unprepared and her eyes had widened with fear as the car came driving towards her. The driver tried to stop the car, but he wasn't fast enough. It had hit Kira's dear little sister hard and she could still remember everything that had happen after in detail.

_A paralysing numbness comes over her as the tears starts running down her face, blurring her sight. The ambulance comes to the place and medicals starts trying to get the body out of Kira's tight grip. She reluctantly lets go of her little sister and follows her closely into the ambulance. They drive as fast as they can to the hospital. As the medicals tries to revitalize her sister, Kira was just sitting there, frozen. She´s holding her defenceless little sister's hand in hers and stares at her colourless face. When they enter the hospital and the medicals disappear into to the operation room with her sister, (she refuses to think of her sister as just a body. If she does, it would mean that it is true. That her little sister really is gone and never coming back). She falls down on one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room_

Her parents is waiting anxiously outside the operation room and when the doctor comes out with a weary look on his face and turns to her parents and shakes bitterly his head, she finally understands that her darling sister really is gone and there´s nothing she can do about it. Kira can see her mother falling down on the floor in despair with tears flowing down her face and her father trying to comfort her as tears find its way to his face as well. That is when she decides, she won't give her parents anymore pain. She is the one that got to be strong now. This is the way she´s going to pay part of the debt that she has to her sister, by taking care of their parents.

She shakes off the memory as she goes into the bathroom. She has to take a shower before going to school and she first looks herself in the mirror and shudder of distaste. Her dark brown eyes which usually are filled with life and hope are now dead and bloodshot and her face is fatigued and swollen from crying. After the shower she drags a hand through her raven-black hair and tries to make it look decent. "Get yourself together, Kira!" she says to herself. She stares into the mirror with eyes filled to the brink with tears, just one short second from starting to cry again. She draws in a deep breath and fights them down. "You have to go to school. Mum and dad have it hard enough as it is. Don't make worse." She closes her eyes for a short second and the happy face of her little sister comes in to sight again. She opens her eyes fast and tries to shake it off because that is the only way to make her survive this day without breaking down. She gives herself a last look in the mirror before turning around and hurrying down to get to school. As she passes by the kitchen her mother shouts at her to take something to eat, but she just shakes her head, gives her a hug and a heavily hearted smile and excuses herself by saying that she´s in a hurry if she want to get to school in time

When she arrives to school, she can see the pitiful looks she gets. Some people at least keep it to just throwing inquisitive glances at her and when they see her noticing it they turn their face again. Other people are just blunt out stares at her and whispering all too loud to each other without even caring how it makes her feel. She can feel how she starts to sink, so when she finally sees a familiar face, she hurries to walk towards her. Kira's best friend greets her with a comforting hug and takes her with her to the first class, to get her away from the whispering crowd. Kira walks through rest day with an even handed face with no feelings showing at all. When she finally gets home, she curls up her bed. She spends the next few days just like that. She pretends to be alright even if she's not

Then it's finally time for the funeral. She puts on the nice black dress that her sister had always liked and hurries then to the melancholic church. Her parents were already there and preparing for it and greeting relatives that she didn´t even know they had. Adam, her childhood friend and lately also her boyfriend, is there as well. As soon as she walks in, he turns around walks towards her with an agitated look on his face and gives her hard hug and it takes all her willpower to not break down right there, but then she remembers what see promised herself and April; to be strong for her parents' sake. She loses Adam`s grip on her and whispers in his ear, "Not now." He gives her an understanding look and lets her go, but takes her hand instead as something to hold onto if it gets to tuff. The church service starts and the coffin is lying on a table just next to the ancient altar. Kira just fixes her eyes on the coffin and when it´s time for their last goodbye, she lets the rest of the people go first. Adam tries to stay with her but she tells him that she wants some time alone. Adam squeezes her hand one time and then follows Kira's parents out. When there's no one left she finally stands up and walks slowly towards the coffin. She takes a deep breath and looks down. There lies her little sister, dressed in a beautiful white dress looking like an angel and her eyes is closed like she´s just sleeping and going to wake up any moment. Kira takes April's hand in hers and it´s cold as ice. It feels like her chest is going to explode. She falls to her knees, gasping for air and that is where Adam later finds her. He keeps quiet and just takes her into his arms and holds her tight. That is when something inside of her snaps. All pain and misery she has buried deep inside of her the last few days bubbles to the surface. She couldn't turn to her parents. She needed to be strong for them. They had just lost their 8 years old child. She wouldn´t be the one to give them more burden. Adam however was going to help her. He understood because he had felt the same way when his mother had died. He knew exactly how it felt and now he was going to help her.

She could still remember her little sisters delighted and exhilarated face gazing up at her with her eyes filled of innocence before her little hand slipped out of her hand as she turned around and ran towards that little miserable kitten in the middle of the street. Kira was so angry at herself. If she would had known, she would had hold onto that little hand with all her might and never let it go, but she didn´t. She had let her go and now, April was gone and it´s all her fault. If she had been just a little faster, if she had reacted just a little earlier April would still be there with her. "Why! Why did I do that? Why didn't I stop her?" It felt like her heart was being torn in a thousand pieces. Adam drags her pulls her closer and whisper comforting words in her ear. He doesn´t care that she ruins his shirt or that her hold on him is almost painful. He just stays there with her and holds her close.

Years later she can still feel that ache in her chest and thinks back to the words that had kept her going. The words that Adam had told her, that were permanently etched into her memory, "No matter how hard it gets. I'm always going to be there with you, because I love you." She still wakes up in the middle of night, shaking with guilt but with Adam's help she has started to heal again. He had picked up the pieces that was left after April's death and put them together, one piece at the time. Her heart might never be truly fixed but with Adam there with her, everything is possible.

Thanks for reading. It's my first story I've show to anyone, accept the stories I've written as a school project.I really want to know what you honestly thinks about the story, so please comment. But please don't scream at me or anything. Just say it in civil way.

Also I would like to know if I've done any grammatic faults.

Thanks again for reading. If you like it, I maybe gonna write another story as well.

/ Amanda


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